September 2019 – Suddenly they all died. The end.

Tea and kluntje isn’t the same without milk, but it’s still pretty good.

We always drank tea with milk and kluntje growing up, usually at family get-togethers. Tea is comfort. Tea is family. Tea is home.

I’m drinking my tea with kluntje this afternoon and wishing I had some milk to go with it. It’s strong tea. German tea. It has a robust flavor when brewed properly, but I let mine steep too long today. It tastes almost…bitter.

Twenty-five years ago today, my mom passed away. I miss her every day. I wish that I could call her for advice. I wish that I could call her to ask about her day. I wish that I could remember her. I wish I had some milk for my tea.

It would be easy to become like my tea – dark and bitter. And for a while, I was. But as I sit here drinking my tea, wishing things were different, I’m reminded that even in the depths of darkness, there is still sweetness to be found. The cracked and broken shards of kluntje fill my mouth with sweetness. They’re strong, those remnants – they withstood the boiling tea.

The survived – and so did I.

I still miss my mom – I always will. But, like my tea, I am strong; I am robust. Like my tea, I can still bring comfort and joy. Like my kluntje, life has changed me – it has bent me, but it has not broken me. The hot water has worn me down, smoothed my rough edges, but it hasn’t melted me completely.

And I refuse to let it.

Last time we went to Olive Garden for our anniversary, our waiter left us a special message on our pumpkin cheesecake (which was free since it was our anniversary). This year we had a different waitress and different cheesecake, but she still left us a special message, and our strawberry cheesecake was still free.

Mmm, pumpkin cheesecake…

Mmm, strawberry cheesecake…

The couple at the table next to us were celebrating 55 years together, which makes our ten years seem like a grain of sand in the hourglass of life, but it’s something to aspire to, the sunshine to dream of on cloudy days. And if I have anything to say about it, it’s a dream we’ll see fulfilled.

Happy anniversary to the man who’s done his best to make all my dreams come true, my partner, my encourager, my motivator, my best friend. The best is yet to come!