I Fear

I feel.

I feel I am growing cantankerous. I feel I am growing cynical and grumpy – crotchety, even – though I don’t want to be  a sour-faced hag that no one can stand.

I fear.

I fear I am losing my smile, and maybe my mind. I fear that all that I write is a load of self-indulgent tripe, that no matter how much time, how much effort I commit to improvement, it will never be enough – that I will never be enough.

But  I want.

I want so much to feel free from fear, to move people with my words the way others’ words have moved me, to be relatable and relevant and enough. I want my smile back, I want to share it with the world, because the world could use a little positive energy and I delight in making others happy.

Still, I fear.

I fear it will not happen, that the world in its chaos and despair will rob me of the positivity I seek to impart. I fear I will never again be the bright spot in someone’s day, that each and every fear I have will come to terrible fruition.

I feel.

I feel trapped by my fear, trapped by my choices, trapped by the world at large. I feel like nothing will ever change, like life is a circle with no beginning and no end, just an endless, dragging, joyless march toward nothing in particular.

I do not want that. I fear it’s true, and I fear its truth, and I fear what I want makes no difference.

I feel and I fear, I want and I fear and I feel. But mostly, I fear.

Don’t we all?

(c) 2017. All rights reserved.



Wish I had a second.
Hey, mister, do ya have a second?
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Gotta find a second to

Anybody have a second?
I really need some help.
Anybody have a second?
Tick-tock, tick-tock,
Don’t you have a second to

(c) 2015. All rights reserved.

Why do I write what I write?

Jenny at readsbyredriverbanks asked me to take part in the Writer’s Blog Tour last weekend, and I’ve finally taken a few minutes to sit down and type up a post.  I did a post on the same topic back in May, when the ever-lovely Tricia Drammeh asked me to take part.  That time I answered the questions with more of a focus on my fiction writing, but this time I decided to focus a bit more on my poetry.

TDSWWhy do I write what I do?
I write poetry because it’s something I’ve always enjoyed reading.  I remember as a kid I spent a whole afternoon in one of the trees out at my grandparents’ place writing poems about my summer vacation as a school project.  I used to really like free verse, and sometimes I still write a bit of it, but I’ve found haiku to be an interesting challenge, and it’s really quite satisfying to be able to cram a world of emotion into 17 syllables.

What am I working on?
I’m still working on…