February 2009 – Suddenly they all died. The end.

I have discovered that torture devices are alive and well in the 21st century. I had a particularly close call with one this morning. It taunted me with its promises of better health and weight loss and for thirty agonizing moments, I succumbed to glorious images of a new and improved me. Then, hot, sweaty, tired, and in pain, I wondered incredulously what the hell I had been thinking. Obviously it had some sort of mind control powers that it failed to mention or it would probably not have succeeded in keeping me in its clutches for as long as it did. In future, I will know better than to heed its siren song and fully intend to steer clear of it and any and all like devices. What is the device of which I speak, you may be asking yourselves, so that I, too, can avoid them? The answer, friends, is simple: the elliptical machine.

Yes, I have begun in earnest the workout regimen that I’ve been promising to start for at least the last two years. I somehow managed to break free from the lovely warmth and comfort of my cozy bed at 5:45 a.m. this morning and engage in an arduous workout. By arduous, of course, I mean that I set the thing to level 2 and spent thirty minutes whining about being bored, thirsty, hot, cold, tired, and sick while struggling to breathe through my nose for the first time in days. That’s right, folks, I’m a pansy and a whiner.

But of course you already knew that.

My goal is to get into better shape and lose all the weight that I’ve gained over the last year. Ideally, this will happen prior to September 26, but I suppose that’s too much to hope for. Maybe I can just lose most of it by then.

I still hate mornings, though, and getting up at the ass-crack of dawn is sooooooooooo not my idea of a good time. In fact, working out in general is not exactly my idea of a good time, in case you couldn’t tell. I love riding my bike and going swimming and taking walks, but those are all rather difficult to do in the middle of winter. Oh, sure, I could join a gym and do all of those things inside, but then there would be no mosquitoes to swat away, no sunburns to deal with, no bratty kids to shoo out of my way in the pool, no excess of heat and humidity…Why haven’t I joined a gym again yet? Oh, right, because then I would miss out on enjoying nature. Because I’m such the avid naturalist and all-around outdoorsy type. Right.

Maybe in my dreams.

Rachael cracked me up this morning. She came downstairs as I was about halfway through my half-hour of torture and sat down at the table to watch me, positively enthralled by what she saw. Whether it was the idea of me working out or the fact that she had no idea what it was I was doing that kept her attention riveted on my ever-reddening face, I’m not sure. “You look tired,” she said. I gasped my agreement. “I would be done now if that were me,” she continued. I stared at her for a moment, not sure whether to laugh or cry, then told her to go play. Greg told her that people don’t like to be observed while working out, which is true for me because I’m always afraid I’ll look like an idiot, even when I’m the only person around. I asked him if he heard what she’d said and he replied that he hadn’t, so I told him. He laughed. Then he came out and said that I didn’t look as bad as he thought I would. Apparently that’s supposed to mean that I’m in better shape than originally thought, despite the fact that I get winded running up the steps to the clerk’s office at the courthouse every day (I’ve been doing it for three years now, so you’d think I’d be used to it, but you would be wrong; and lest I make it seem like that’s a small amount of stairs, there are somewhere around two dozen steps just to get into the courthouse, then three more flights up to the clerk’s office). I could probably have phrased all that better, but my brain seems to have fallen asleep from all that exercising I did this morning.

In other news, the sinus infection that’s been threatening for so long finally hit with a vengeance on Friday and I spent Saturday on the couch. I spent most of Saturday morning asleep. Yay sleep! We went to Ankeny this weekend and did lots of wedding planningy type things, such as picking up my wedding dress. YAY!!!!!! Then I (accidentally) got super-drugged-up on cold medicine and Excedrin and felt like a space cadet all of Sunday. A word to the wise: Don’t mix two NyQuil liqui-gels with three Excedrin and a muscle relaxer. Bad things will happen. It was much less fun to go shopping and try on pretty dresses in my drug-induced fog than I had originally anticipated. But I still have to have it bustled and there are still other dresses to pick out, so I suppose I can deal with it.

Yay wedding dress! 🙂

I finally got around to sending my cell phone in to be fixed. I guess I procrastinated a bit with that. You would think I would have gotten it taken care of right away and I did try to do just that, but then I got lazy. Now I have to wait four to six weeks for my pretty pink phone to be usable again. Stupid phone breakage.

And in laptop news, we finally gave up on waiting for Dell to send the cds they promised to send. They kept pushing back the ship date and when Greg called to find out why, they told him they had the cds in stock (and they weren’t on back-order like he’d been told before) and they didn’t know why they hadn’t been sent out. *looking very earnest* They promised to send them out right away, overnight even. They still never arrived. So we finally managed to get them to send us prepaid shipping labels and we shipped it back to them. Once they’re satisfied, they’re supposed to send me a new one with the right operating system on it. It will probably be another month at least before that happens. Stupid Dell. Their computers are great, but their customer service really sucks.

My God I’m tired! I blame the early rising this morning, the muscle relaxer I took after my lovely warm shower, and the stupid sinus infection that won’t go away. And by won’t go away, I mean that the two doses of antibiotic I’ve taken haven’t managed to banish it yet. WORK FASTER, MEDICINE! I WANT TO BREATHE!

*sigh* In the meantime, I suppose I had better get back to work, although I’m really not sure what it is that I’ll do to pass the time and keep from falling asleep. I felt rotten enough yesterday that I toyed with the idea of calling in sick today so that I could stay home and rest up from the weekend, but I’m a goody-goody, so here I am. At work. Where I’m supposed to be working but am blogging as a way to put off doing anything even remotely productive instead.

Happy Tuesday!

I’m bored today, so I thought I’d post the 25 Things About Me that’s up on Facebook. If you’ve read it once, you don’t have to read it again, but I made a few changes. If you haven’t, I hope it makes you laugh. And now,

25 Things

When I graduated high school I did one of those “Where will you be in five years?” survey things. I am so not where I thought I would be, but I wouldn’t change a minute of it.

I’m not funny. Sometimes I try to be funny, but it doesn’t work. Only the crickets applaud.

I love bad jokes. For instance, one of my favorites goes like this: Two fish were in their tank one day. One turned to the other and said, “You man the guns. I’ll drive.”

I began playing the flute when I was ten. My dad told me I wouldn’t be allowed to give it up till I made it to Carnegie Hall. As I was sitting in an informational meeting for people in music performance groups my freshman year of college, they announced that the Wind Ensemble would be performing at Carnegie Hall during Tour Week that spring. Alas, I was in the other band. I guess I can’t quit playing yet. 🙂

I want to be a famous author. I only have one problem: I have yet to finish a story.

I am my own worst critic.

The older I get, the less tolerance I have for slow drivers. The speed limit is 55, folks. You will not get a ticket for going the speed limit. Either drive the speed limit or get out of the way.

I despise the cold and yet I will probably never leave Iowa. Not because I can’t, but because anywhere else would be too different. I certainly want to travel outside of Iowa, but I can’t think of a better place to live.

I don’t feel 25. I feel like a 14-year-old trapped in a 95-year-old body.

I am well on my way to developing an ulcer and arthritis. See above.

In my fantasies, Mr. Darcy is not just a fictional character.

It’s a bit difficult to take this thing seriously. In fact, I probably wouldn’t be doing it at all except that my sister tagged me in hers and I’m bored.

I am tax girl. Hear me roar!

The fact that the Star Trek Experience is no longer in Las Vegas is extremely disappointing. Did I say disappointing? I meant to say that I was distraught beyond (polite) words. I was so looking forward to it!

I am apparently claustrophobic. I found this out after a stint in the trunk of Jenni’s car. And by stint, I mean I started pounding on the lid to be let out just as soon as it was closed.

A short time ago when my baby was still an actual baby, I was fascinated by his ability to sleep with his eyes open. I was also fascinated by his smiles when he was asleep. So cute!

California can keep its earthquakes and Florida can keep its hurricanes. I’ll deal with the threat of tornadoes. They make for much more interesting movies.

The sun shining on the courthouse square is one of the most beautiful scenes I’ve ever seen, no matter what time of year it is.

I am easily distracted by shiny objects. The one on my ring finger, for instance.

I cannot type today. This annoys me incredibly.

I love the Backstreet Boys. And *N SYNC. And BBMak. And 5ive. And Westlife. And maybe O-Town. Definitely 98°. And probably every other boy band popular in the late ’90s and into the early 2000s.

Except Hanson. I hate Hanson. I loathe them. And notice that this is not the past tense; I still don’t like them! MMMBop is quite probably the worst song ever written, in this or any language. Except for possibly The Macarena. I cringe at the mere thought of it!

I used to think I was very well-read; I was always reading something. I don’t think that anymore, primarily because instead of reading new books, I just read the same ones over and over and over again. Thank God they finally reprinted Time Enough for Drums by Ann Rinaldi because I think mine was the only number on the library card for the copy they had at the Reinbeck Library.

I randomly quote Facebook flair in daily conversation. For instance, “Don’t hit kids. No, seriously. They have guns now.”

I am a secretary. We secretly rule the world. You should try it sometime – it’s exhausting!