Nothing – or something?

I’ve got nothing.

For the last few weeks, every time I sit down to write a post, my mind goes blank. As white as the screen at which I’m staring.

For the last few weeks, every time I sit down to work on revisions, my mind goes blank. As white as the pages I’d hoped to fill.

I’ve got nothing.

When my husband asks what I’m thinking, I say, “Nothing.”

And it’s true.

I’ve got nothing.

I sit and stare into space as seconds become minutes become hours become days. Not a thought flickers in my mind as I watch dust bunnies frolic in the sun streaming through my window. Everything I want to say, all the stories I want to tell, all the characters I want to bring to life – they yell and scream and clamor for attention, but all I hear is the dull insect drone of a thousand voices talking at once, and even that finally fades away into silence.

And I’ve got nothing.

I’ve got nothing but hopes and dreams and an ever-growing to-do list. I’ve got nothing but a sense of time wasted and a never-ending headache from all the things I’ve left undone. I’ve got nothing but apologies for my family and my readers and my friends.

I want to have it all.

But instead, I’ve got nothing.

Something tells me I will never have it all, despite what I see on TV every day. Something tells me it’s not possible to have it all, despite what I see on TV every day. Something tells me I’ll stop wanting to have it all, because of what I see on TV every day.

So instead, I’ll focus on having something instead of nothing. Because what I’ve got is plenty. And this zombie state will pass. Eventually.

Right?

Right.

But until it does, the posts here may be few and far between. Don’t worry, though – I’ll be back soon. I love blogging too much to let this place go quietly into the dark of night, especially when the light of day is so warm and inviting. 🙂

In the meantime, how have you been lately? Tell me about everything going on with you – I may not have much to say, but I’ve got plenty of time for listening!

(c) 2016. All rights reserved.

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10 thoughts on “Nothing – or something?

  1. Ocean Bream says:

    Woe, well I have got to say you have certainly got something in the way you express yourself through words. It is magnetic and static and simply beautiful. Good luck! We do sometimes go through a cycle of ‘nothing’. Sometimes the nothing makes a shape of its own 🙂 You’ll certainly get there eventually. When I get ‘nothing’ I go sit in a sunny corner of the university cafe, where I can see the cafe, the park, into the library and the street outside. So much going on, and usually inspiration then hits me and I am off like a bullet!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tricia Drammeh says:

    Wow. I’ve been there so many times. I’m there now. You are right when you say that you’ll get past this zombie state, but that doesn’t make you feel better right now, does it? For months, I marinated in guilt over wasting time and missing self-imposed deadlines. But I’m finally past that. You can’t force yourself. You just can’t. I’ve finally decided to refocus on other things. I write poetry – and I know you do too! So, you might not be working on your novels, but you ARE writing. I’ve also been catching up on my reading list. As a writer, reading is one of the most important things I can do. Judging from the reviews I’ve read on your blog, you’ve been reading too. So, in my humble opinion, you haven’t been wasting time. You’ve been keeping your writing skills sharp by blogging and writing poetry. And you’ve been doing your writerly homework by reading. Soon, you’ll get back to your novels, but until then, don’t beat yourself up. You’re right where you’re supposed to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kay Kauffman says:

      I need to catch up on my reading list, and I’m hoping to get in some serious reading time over the long weekend. I’ve been reading, just not enough to satisfy myself. But then I haven’t been doing enough of a lot of things to really satisfy myself. :/

      Thanks for the pep talk, Tricia. It was much needed. And I’m glad to see you writing poetry! It’s such a fun way to hone one’s writing skills. 🙂

      Like

    • Kay Kauffman says:

      I always think of Tom Bergeron when I hear it, and a particular episode of Dancing With the Stars, so generally it’s something I find amusing. For me, a change in the weather usually does it, but it’s been sunshiney and beautiful out more often than not lately, so I don’t know what the matter is. But whatever the matter, it seems to be slowly slipping away, and I’m grateful for it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. beenculverted says:

    I read a quote somewhere by some famous author from some time period who said (here horribly quoted), “when you can’t write, just keep writing through the slough.”
    It’s the worst thing… and you wrote about it so well!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kay Kauffman says:

      Thank you! I’m still having a rough time putting pencil to paper at the moment, but I’ve been trying. I’ve got books to review, after all. 😀

      Glad you enjoyed this! 🙂

      Like

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