Deep Thoughts

What do you say when fear rules your thoughts? When you’re afraid to ask a question because you’re afraid you won’t like the answer, how do begin a dialogue?

Nothing. You say nothing.

What do you say when the conversation’s over? When all the laughing stops, how do you get it started once again?

Nothing. You say nothing. Because sometimes, you can’t.

What do you say when you fear to know the truth? When you’re afraid that the lies your brain tells are true, how do you separate reality from falsehood?

Nothing. You say nothing.

How do you put fear in its place when it looms so large beside you, behind you, before you?

I really, really, really wish I knew.

I live in fear. I think I always have. There’s so much in this world to fear, after all – rejection, failure, acceptance, success. I fear to know the truth; I fear to know the lie. I fear the lie is true and truth a lie.

I fear. I fear. I fear.

I dream, I hope, I long for things I know I’ll never have, and all in an attempt to subvert the fear, to free my heart and mind. Living in fear is exhausting and wreaks havoc on your mind and body. I no longer want to live in fear, but I have no idea how to put it all behind me.

Fake it till you make it has not always worked well for me.

I try to be positive, so I want to end this on a high note, but I don’t know that there is one. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again is rather a cliché at this point, but perhaps that’s what I need to do. Just keep on trying.

Just keep on swimming.

(c) 2017. All rights reserved.

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Uh…

It’s been a whirlwind weekend full of family, friends, and fun. If you’d seen me, you might have mistaken me for my dear departed kitty cat, Shadow:

shadow

I feel like I’ve been all over the state this weekend, but it sure was fun, and I have a slew of things to write about in that favorite moments book I bought.

What about you – how did the weekend treat you? Are you ready for Monday?

(c) 2016. All rights reserved.

Ten things

With Labor Day now but a memory, I feel it’s time to kick my blog back into high gear. And by high gear, I mean posting more than once a month.

Because, you know, I’m a writerly type. And writerly types write.

Right?

Right.

Okay, then. It’s been a while! I’m still trying to make my head stop spinning after the whirlwind that was my summer, which I truly can’t believe is over already. It’s true what they say – the older you get, the faster time passes. And with that in mind, here are some of the ways I spent my time this summer:

  1. Camping. A lot. Camping includes, but is not limited to, swimming, tubing, hiking, fishing, playing cards, roasting marshmallows, grilling, and touring maize mazes, nature centers, petting zoos, and museums.
  2. Not writing. I’m finally starting to feel the ideas…

Adventure time!

Can you believe June is half gone already? It seems to me like school just ended. Hard to believe that was two weeks ago already. At this rate, my little Cricket bug will be heading off to kindergarten before I know it!

*counts weeks left of summer*

Only ten weeks left. That’s not nearly enough summer! 😀

I had great plans for this summer. Plans for writing and querying. Plans for camping and adventure. Plans for fun. But after a spring filled with revisions left me sapped of my writerly mojo, I haven’t written a word in weeks. So what have I been doing?

Well, I have been camping. Twice, even. We had an adventure at the campground pond this past weekend, and an adventure in an antique store on our first camping trip. Said antique store had a calligraphy set, complete with a pen, four nibs, ink, and instructions for several different calligraphy styles, for only a dollar. I’ve taken up the pen a couple of times, but with less-than-stellar results. I can’t wait till I have more than a half hour at the very end of a long day to get in some practice. 🙂

I’ve listened to birds singing, cats fighting, and thunder crashing. I’ve seen roads washed out and rivers raging. And I’ve read a couple of fantastic books.

Yes, books. Glorious, wonderful books.

I’ve always got something to read with me, but it’s been a while since that something was a book. And not just one book – two books! I’ve read two books in the last two weeks, and it’s been a very long time since that happened last.

Oh, you want to know which books I’ve been reading? Very well, then… (Please be warned: mild spoilers lie ahead.) 🙂

First World Problems

Mara Eastern recently described a lousy Christmas, and it reminded me of something similar that happened to me back around Thanksgiving. After leaving a lengthy comment on her post, I thought, “Hey! This might make a funny blog post!”

Thus the following was born. 🙂

Similar to ours

Similar to ours

My husband’s been away for work during the week for the past two months, so naturally, he took a few homey things with him to make his hotel room feel less hotelly. One of those things was our very nice can opener. Silly me, I didn’t even realize it (or our salt and pepper shakers) was missing till he’d been gone for a month and I wanted to have chili. But I didn’t want to spend a whole lot on buying a new one since we already had a really nice one. Still, the craving for chili was not to be ignored. And since I needed tomato juice, too, I stopped at Fareway on my way home from work.

After wandering the aisles for a good ten minutes, I finally tracked down their cooking utensils. They had all of one can opener in stock that night, and at $1.97, the price was just right. Still, I had to wonder about its quality. But a trip to Walmart was out of the question because it would make me late picking the boys up from daycare, so I pushed my doubts aside and headed for the check-out.

canopener

Similar to el cheapo can opener

Twenty minutes later, I’d picked up Cricket and Thumper up from daycare and made it home. It was a blustery night, perfect for chili, and I couldn’t wait to have some. I got the boys in the house, grabbed the beans and hamburger from the basement, and set about making supper. While I waited for the hamburger to thaw, I decided to get the beans opened and drained.

But of course, nothing ever happens easily on a Monday.

I opened the first can of beans without any problems. I daydreamed about the delicious chili I would soon be eating; I could already smell the chili powder and the cooking meat. I could almost taste the soup’s spicy tang. I could almost feel the tomato juice’s velvet touch as I swallowed imaginary spoonful after imaginary spoonful.

But halfway through opening the second can, reality came crashing back upon me. Part of the can opener snapped off as I turned the hand crank. The whole thing fell apart in my hands.

Well, crap (and many other colorful words). Now what the heck was I supposed to do?

Perfect for opening cans of juice, but not so much for beans

Perfect for opening cans of juice, but not so much for beans

By this point, the closest store was closed for the night. I considered using a church key to open the rest of the cans, but quickly discarded the idea. There was no way I’d be able to shake all those beans out of the tiny little holes a church key would make. Even if I could have shaken them all out, it’d have taken all night. Too bad I hadn’t been opening the tomato juice – then I’d have been fine.

*sigh*

Oh, can opener, thank you for not breaking on me!

Oh, can opener, thank you for not breaking on me!

I got my chili eventually, after spending a few more dollars to buy a decent-quality can opener, but I’m still annoyed about the stupid cheap one that didn’t even last five minutes. I hate wasting money like that, even though part of me knew it wouldn’t last. And now that it’s freezing cold here again, chili is starting to sound really good for supper tonight… 🙂

Have you had equipment malfunctions ruin a much-anticipated meal? How did you cope?

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2016 is treating you right! 🙂

(c) 2016. All rights reserved.

More things I like

IMG_20130828_121254And now, because I thought of a bunch more things I like after my post the other day, here are some more things I like:

  1. A clear sky full of stars.
  2. Sunny days.
  3. Singing (badly) ’90s boy band songs in the car at the top of my lungs.
  4. Learning everything.
  5. Watching my children sleep.
  6. Pickle wraps.
  7. Lazy weekends.
  8. Listening to Cricket and Thumper “read” stories to me.
  9. The smell of old books.
  10. Bad jokes.

What about you? Share some things you like below!

(c) 2015. All rights reserved.

When I’m nervous…

darcyMy fabulous friend Charnele tagged me last week to share a little about some of my nervous tics.  I don’t think I have a whole lot of nervous habits, but there are a few that spring immediately to mind:

  1. I clam up.  I’m shy by nature and have a hard time initiating conversations with people I don’t know well (and occasionally with those I do know well).
  2. I fidget.  I play with my hands, my wedding ring, or my hair.  I adjust my clothes.  I cross my arms.  You get the picture.
  3. I chew my cheeks or lips.  I do this instead of clenching my jaw, but sometimes that happens, too.
  4. Hot flashes…I have them.  I have them even when I’m not nervous, but they seem to hit especially hard when I’m nervous about something.
  5. I sweat.  It’s an extension of the hot flashes, but one I’m rather self-conscious about.

What about you?  Do you do anything in particular when you’re nervous?

(c) 2014.  All rights reserved.

The death of Corn Carnival

Yes, this really exists, and yes, it appears every year.

Wait, what?  No more Corn Carnival?

This must be a joke.

But no, the City ran out of money.  For whatever reason, the businesses who call the Brook home decided not to donate time or money to make the annual celebration a success.  The ladies who sponsor the quilt raffle have all passed on to that great quilting bee in the sky and, while their spirits may be sewing for eternity, that doesn’t put quilts up for raffle prizes here in the land of the living.

No more kettle corn.  No more funnel cakes.   No more mini donuts.

Super sweet

super-sweet-blogging-award1What a whirlwind this month has been so far!  I can’t believe it’s already the halfway point of January.

Of course, this means that I’ll be 30 before I know it.  That’s right, the big day is at the end of the month.  It’ll be an interesting one this year, for a bunch of reasons, and I’ll be glad to kiss the big 3-0 goodbye next year (for other reasons).

Here’s hoping 30 (and 31) are better for me than they were for my mom.  This is something that is going to weigh heavily on my mind for a long time.  I may even try to explain it at some point.

But not right now.  That’s not supposed to be the point of this post.  The point of this post is that holy cow, I can’t believe January’s half gone.  Yep.  That’s it.  That’s the point.

Okay, no it’s not.