Snow Cat (Photo credit: clickclique)
I’ve had it with winter. Specifically, I’ve had it with all the white crap Mother Nature keeps dumping on us. I nearly got stuck at work yesterday because the city does such a lousy job clearing the streets, and the same thing happened again today. After narrowly avoiding the embarrassment of having to ask my boss to give me a push, what happened? I came home and promptly got stuck in the mouth of my driveway, with the back end of my van sticking out into our very narrow street.
I was stuck so tight that after the kids and I tried to get out for about ten minutes, I went across the street and asked the neighbor for help (Seymour wasn’t home yet). It took the two of us a good half hour and maybe a little more to get my van free. The city I live in (yes, I know, it’s a small town, but that’s how we refer to our municipal government) doesn’t do any better when it comes to cleaning streets than the city I work in. So in short, I’ve had it with winter.
Now, don’t get me wrong. When the sun shines on newly fallen snow and it sparkles like a thousand diamonds, I love it as much as the next person. I appreciate the beauty of snow. However, I hate dealing with it. I hate driving in it. I hate shoveling it. I hate cleaning it off of my car.
But at times like these, I often think of a joke my dad shared with me once. It’s about winter in Iowa and, given the trials I’ve had with the snow today and the fact that it was three years ago today that I lost him, this seems like a good time to share it again. I’ve posted it before, but here it is again in all its snowy glory:
Dear Diary
August 12
We moved to our new home in Iowa. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so pretty. I can hardly wait to see snow covering them.
October 14
Iowa is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful woods and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on Earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.
November 11
Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.
December 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Iowa.
December 12
More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.
December 19
More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Damn snowplow.
December 22
More of that white shit fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the curve and waits until I’m done shoveling the driveway. Asshole!
December 26
Merry Christmas. More friggin’ snow. If I ever get my hands on that son of a bitch who drives the snowplow, I swear I’ll kill the bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the ice.
December 27
More white shit last night. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after that snowplow goes through every time. Can’t go anywhere, car’s stuck in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10” of the stuff again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10” is?
December 28
The weatherman was wrong. We got 34” of that white shit this time. At this rate it won’t melt before the summer. That snowplow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the shit he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his head.
January 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on my way back, a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
May 3
Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from that salt they put all over the roads?
May 10
Moved to Arizona. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken state of Iowa!
(c) 2013. All rights reserved.
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Suddenly they all died. The end. 
Just hilarious, Kay. 🙂 I feel the same way about summertime here in South Texas. The first year here (we moved from far northern Missouri just south of the Iowa state line) we were like, “It’s 88 degrees in February, this is fantastic!” then April rolled around and it was already in the 90s, then October rolled around and it was still nearly hitting 100 every third day. That’s when it turned into, “My God, what have we done?”
I enjoyed our time in the Midwest so much because the seasons lingered JUST long enough. Like you, by March I was ready for winter to scoot, and it always seemed to not long after. By September I was done with summer heat, and sure enough the nights would begin to cool. I guess I just get a lot of joy from the turn of the seasons. 🙂
I don’t think I could do winter in Maine or Minnesota where it can last 5 or 6 months, and I’m not a fan of living here, where summer can last 8 months.
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Thanks, E.J.! 🙂 I agree with you – six months of winter and eight months of summer is really taking things too far. I always joke about living in the wrong state because I’m always complaining about the cold or the snow or the heat or the humidity, but I really can’t imagine living anywhere else. Although I do think the snowbirds have the right idea. 😉
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I’m sick of winter. Yesterday we had a whole day of nearly 17 degrees. It was just a taste, because today it was horrible.
If you get stuck in a snow drift, just let down the tyres. It will double the rubber you have on the road. Almost guaranteed to get you out of anything. Of course you have to carry your own pump/compressor.
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It hit 30 here today, and it’s supposed to be a little warmer tomorrow, I think. I’ll be glad when spring is here for good.
I’ll remember that about the tires. Seymour has a portable compressor, the kind you plug into the cigarette lighter in your car, but I don’t. I might have to get one.
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The other reason you should carry a pump is that almost everybody ignores their spare tyre until it’s time to change it only to find that it’s flat.
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Mine is mounted up underneath my van. I’m not even sure how to get to it, never mind change it. Thank goodness our insurance policy has roadside assistance. 🙂
I’m lucky in that the only time I was ever stranded on the side of the road with a flat tire, I was still within sight of my house. I pulled over as soon as I realized something was wrong and started unloading my trunk to get the spare out (this was almost a decade ago, when my oldest was still an actual baby). Within five minutes, two other people pulled over to help and it was a good thing they did because it took both of them to get the stupid tire off – it had rusted on. I’d have never gotten it off by myself.
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Amen!
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omg, this reminds me of Ohio. The first few snowfalls you just love, but then it seems like it never stops. lol Good post.
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That’s how it’s been here lately. Well, except for the loving it part. I loathe snow, but I do appreciate how pretty it is. That lasts until I have to go outside and deal with it, which always ruins my appreciation of it. And we just got another two inches of heavy, wet snow today on top of all the other white crap we’ve had this winter. I have definitely had my fill of snow.
On the bright side, maybe this year when we try to go tubing with the kids, we won’t spend half our trip dragging our butts across the rocks at the bottom of the river. Considering how much we just spent on the new six-person raft with the mesh bottom, that would be a definite plus. 😀
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