Oh, the joys of life in the Hawkeye State…

In honor of the fact that it’s only 8:00 a.m. and already about as far from a stellar day as it’s possible to get, I thought I’d share a favorite joke of mine. If you’re a long-time reader (or even if you’re not), you may have seen this before, as I shared it some years ago. It’s one of those things that’s funny because it’s true, and I hope you enjoy it.

Dear Diary

August 12
We moved to our new home in Iowa. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so pretty. I can hardly wait to see snow covering them.

October 14
Iowa is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful woods and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on Earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

November 11
Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

December 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Iowa.

December 12
More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

December 19
More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Damn snowplow.

December 22
More of that white shit fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the curve and waits until I’m done shoveling the driveway. Asshole!

December 26
Merry Christmas. More friggin’ snow. If I ever get my hands on that son of a bitch who drives the snowplow, I swear I’ll kill the bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the ice.

December 27
More white shit last night. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after that snowplow goes through every time. Can’t go anywhere, car’s stuck in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the stuff again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

December 28
The weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white shit this time. At this rate it won’t melt before the summer. That snowplow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the shit he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his head.

January 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on my way back, a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3
Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from that salt they put all over the roads?

May 10
Moved to Arizona. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken state of Iowa!

Hope your day is a stellar one!

(c) 2017. All rights reserved.

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