I finally got around to revising my first page, as posted here for Michelle Hauck’s first page critique blog hop. It’s taken a lot of time, a lot of thought, and a lot of quiet to get something figured out, but I think it’s good. It’s longer, but less wordy, and hopefully, more showy and less telly. Either way, it wouldn’t be what it is without your input, so thank you very much!
I’ve posted the revision at the top of the original post (clearly marked so you know what’s what), and would love some comments on the revision as well. Because, you know, we writers are nothing if not insecure. But on the off chance that you don’t feel like digging back through ten days of blog posts, I’ve also posted it for your reading pleasure below.
“Please, your Highness, have mercy. I beg you.”
“I would very much like to, sir,” Prince Vegin said.