November 18, 2014 – Suddenly they all died. The end.

I finally got around to revising my first page, as posted here for Michelle Hauck’s first page critique blog hop. It’s taken a lot of time, a lot of thought, and a lot of quiet to get something figured out, but I think it’s good. It’s longer, but less wordy, and hopefully, more showy and less telly. Either way, it wouldn’t be what it is without your input, so thank you very much!

I’ve posted the revision at the top of the original post (clearly marked so you know what’s what), and would love some comments on the revision as well. Because, you know, we writers are nothing if not insecure. But on the off chance that you don’t feel like digging back through ten days of blog posts, I’ve also posted it for your reading pleasure below.

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“Please, your Highness, have mercy. I beg you.”

“I would very much like to, sir,” Prince Vegin said.

I’m lucky to work in a town full of wonderful old Victorian houses. There are two of them within a couple of blocks of my office, and they’re just gorgeous (there might actually be a couple others), despite the massive hailstorm that hit the area five years ago. But I’m not at work today, so I can’t take a picture of either of them decked out in their snowy glory.

I have a few pictures of a beautiful church I saw this summer, but I was shooting on the fly and most of the pictures came out either blurry or crooked. Then I thought of all the pictures I have of our house, both our old one and our new one, but they’re really nothing special (the pictures, that is, not the houses). Straight-on shots of one, a few different angles on the other as we were painting it this summer, but nothing great. Still, they got me thinking…